Trust
by Jared
Summary: [CCD] What if there had been more at stake than simply freedom on that day three summers ago? Nokoru reflects on his "first" meeting with Suoh.


Trust  
Jared 

* * *

Disclaimer:  
All the characters belong to CLAMP and are only borrowed for the fanfic. 

_______________

Authors note:  
Dedicated to **Cai Shan**, **Marianne**, **Yingying** and **Yongkang**, who have given me reasons to trust and to hope. 

This piece is still under revision, so any CC is greatly appreciated. 

* * *

He baffled me no end, for he was the first I ever met who showed signs of hostility towards me. Had it only been hostility in his eyes, I may have chosen to let it pass. After all, no one can be liked by everyone, and despite my desire to be liked by all, I knew all too well that this wish of mine could not be imposed upon others. 

However, the mistrust in his eyes hurt me deeply. I had no idea what I did wrong, and yet this newcomer was regarding me as an enemy, as someone who had the potential to cause him much pain and harm, and that smarted. I have no idea how or why I gave him that impression-- I had never come into contact with him prior to that, and yet he felt that I was potentially dangerous... Words could not express my sorrow. His distrust cut deeper into me than any knife could, for it was an open rejection of me, and was akin to his accusation of me hurting him when we had never even been introduced. I suppose I did feel rather indignant at being wrongly accused. 

Still, I guess I wanted to check him out, to prove to both myself and to him that I was not a hazard to those around me. True, my life was more complex than most realised, but I would never hurt anyone; rather, I have been trying all my life to protect others. This unspoken accusation struck a raw nerve-- it was almost as though he was insinuating that I was a liar, something which I had never stood for in spite of my apparently mild manner. So I did the only thing I could-- check up on him to see if there was any cause for the poor impression that I seemed to have given him. Not that that helped me much-- all I found was a whole bunch of data on him and his hobbies, but not of him as a person. Sure, he was listed on the CLAMP campus data list, but on the data, he was Takamura Suoh, a scholarship student at CLAMP campus, rather than Takamura Suoh the individual I sought. 

I 'met' him the following day. He was rather reluctant to go with me-- the same mistrust shadowed his eyes, and despite my seemingly cheerful actions of careless abandon, I was silently weeping on the inside. Why, I wanted so much to ask, do you accuse me of a crime of which I am not guilty of? Why do you look at me with such mistrust in your eyes? Am I not worthy of your trust? Yet there was no polite way to ask those questions to which I had no answers. No, some things are better left unsaid, or so they say. I believe this to be one of them. 

Then quite as suddenly, everything changed. It was almost like a trip in the washing machine, where everything got jumbled together and there was no up or down, no right from left, no wrong from right... that was the event that changed my life. Suoh would probably say that it was a blessing in disguise... I'm not so sure. Maybe it was simply destiny. 

Whatever the case, Suoh's premonition of me causing him to be embroiled in the danger that enshrouded me turned out to be right. Perhaps I never should have asked him along, but I couldn't help it. He was a mystery that I longed to unravel, the hostility that I yearned to dispel. I _had_ to try to get through to him. What better way than over a popsicle? And since the best popsicles could only be found at the kiddie park... 

Actually, thinking back, the journey _to_ the park had been quite awkward. If I thought that the walk would help loosen him up a little, I was greatly mistaken. Instead, he seemed more ill at ease than ever, stubbornly mute as I struggled to fill the air with chatter as I led, rounding corners with a pounding heart. Perhaps he didn't trust me then, and wanted to keep his eyes open for any possible danger, perhaps he had nothing much to say. Whatever the case, he was horribly quiet as he followed me to the park... not that he knew where we were heading. Somehow, I had thought it more fun to bring him there without warning him, catch him off his guard if you will, and see him for the seven-year old he was, rather than the young lad which he was acting now. Still, I had to admit, I was so relieved to see the park in front of us that I dashed of to get the popsicles... anything to give me a few seconds of respite. 

When I returned with the popsicles, he eyed it somewhat suspiciously. Not that he said anything. Suoh isn't the kind who'd voice his opinions-- he was too well brought up for that. Nonetheless, it was evident that he didn't feel very comfortable accepting anything from anyone, least of all me. That stung a little. Do I really have "I'm evil" scrawled all over my forehead which made him distrust me so? Or was he simply not fond of sweet things? 

"The popsicles here are really good. You don't like sweet things? Don't worry, the popsicles here aren't sweet and are delicious." 

That made him look a little embarrassed. Perhaps I had hit the nail on the head after all. So far, so good. At least, until those men appeared, and proved him right. I _did_ get him involved after all; he was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time and it was there that he did his best to fight off my kidnappers. Come to think of it, I'm not sure why he did so. Perhaps despite his dislike for me, he knew that he would not be able to live with himself should he witness my kidnapping and did nothing to help me. Suoh can be awfully stubborn and principled sometimes. 

Needless to say, our attempt to evade capture was a total fiasco. So in a sense, Suoh was right-- I was more trouble than I was worth. I have never known anyone with such prophetic powers, and while I suppose I should be impressed, I really wished deep inside that he would be wrong. After all, that was my sole purpose in seeking him out-- to disprove his misconceptions about me-- only they turned out to be the truth. Oh, he was right not to trust me. How he knew it before I did I have no idea, but getting Suoh to tell is impossible-- Suoh behaves remarkably like a clam at times. 

Of course, I soon came face to face with my captor-- a lady known as Casablanca. She lied to me about having Suoh trapped down in the dungeons, and convinced me that the only way to free him would be for me to agree to help her and this shady organisation of which I had no interest to be part of. Yet when I recalled that expression in those alluring brown eyes, I found myself forced to agree. Suoh had been right about not giving me the trust I had sought-- the least I could do for him was to get him out of this mess. At least knowing he was safe would make me feel a little less guilty-- how else would I be able to live with myself, knowing that it was only my obstinacy that had caused a schoolmate suffering, that it was because of some senseless pride and need to prove myself trustworthy that I had gotten someone into more trouble than they could ever dream of? 

Then all of a sudden, the subject of my concern burst unexpectedly into the room. Just as a light conquers darkness, Suoh's entrance chased away my fears. He was safe! As far as I could see, he was unharmed, and there was a flicker of joy in his eyes as he raced towards me, shouting, "Senpai!" I was shocked, to say the least. This couldn't be the same Takamura Suoh I knew. Why, this one seemed delighted to find me. But it couldn't be... Takamura- kun hated me-- I was nothing more than a serpent in his eyes. Why would he be glad to see me? 

He reached my side, and we locked gazes momentarily. "Are you all right?" he asked, anxiously. For an instant, I felt sadness overwhelm me. Why did you have to care for me _now_? Don't you know it's only going to make it so much harder for me to part with you? It would have been so much easier for me to say goodbye if I noticed that familiar anger and mistrust in your eyes, so much easier to part with someone who hates you rather than someone who cares. But to hear you speak to me so tenderly, almost as if you really cared about me... that... that is almost too much for me to bear. Why _did_ you have to change your mind at the last minute? However, I did not let my voice betray my innermost feelings. "Yes, I'm fine". I replied simply to your question. Okaa-san would be proud of me-- Imonoyamas must not show their true feelings, no matter what the cost, especially in the face of the enemy. And my--our-- every move was carefully monitored by Casablanca, who was standing some distance away. 

Nothing would have prepared me for what would have come next. Strangely enough, he heaved a sigh of relief before inspecting the strangely attractive floor beneath our feet, muttering something about the popsicle being delicious and needing to thank me. I was baffled to say the least. What was he talking about now? Popsicle? It was almost as if seeing Takamura- kun froze my mind. That's unusual... I've never been in a situation quite like that... 

My thoughts were interrupted by the touch of a warm calloused hand closing over my forearm. "Let's get out of here." He said those words so casually, almost as though he was talking about going for a picnic. Even in my current state of mind, I had the sense to dig my heels into the ground. Why is he making it so hard for me? Isn't it bad enough that I already have to give in to their demands without him making it all the harder for me? I _don't_ want to give in, but I know that I'll never forgive myself if I don't. I'll feel like such a worm if anything happens to him. Doesn't he understand that? Why is he testing my resolve like this? Still, I manage to slip a mask of calm over my tumultuous emotions. "We're against pros...Even if you have dans in Judo and Kendo..." 

"I was taken off--guard at the park. I will not make a fool of myself now!" He cut in impatiently, almost angry at my lack of faith in his abilities. Maybe he _was_ right-- I didn't have faith in him, but there was no way I was taking any chances. A slip up could have deadly consequences. On no account will I let _anything_ happen to him! Clearly impatient to get leaving, he yanked harder at my arm. "Let's go!" If the situation wasn't quite so serious, I might have joked. Honestly, Takamura- kun made it sound like we were making a trip to the grocery store-- let's go-- how casually put. Did he seriously think that Casablanca- san would just let us stroll out of the door after all the trouble she had been through to bring us there? 

There was a flash of anger in his eyes that warned me of the outburst that was about to come. "You were KIDNAPPED! They won't listen to your explanations!" I suppose it was because he thought I was merely being obstinate, stupid. That roused me. Me, being stupid? Who does he think he is? I was only doing that to protect him and I got labelled as stupid in return. So even now he doesn't trust my judgement-- I'm still wrong in his eyes. Good, in the least it makes it better. // _Oh really?_ // I could hear a sarcastic voice at the back of my mind. // _Then why do you seem so disturbed by it?_ // I had no response to that, so I did the only thing I knew how to-- block it off; I'll think about it later. 

"Wait!" I let all the frustration out in that single word. That felt a little better, to let loose all those pent up feelings. And it had the effect of actually getting him to _listen_ to me. I saw his eyes widen slightly, and I decided to take the plunge. // _Come on, it's now or never!_ // That irritating voice urged me onwards. "I don't want you to get hurt." I said simply, softly. For an instant, I held my breath. Will he take me seriously this time? Will he understand the message I'm trying to convey to him? That I _do_ want to leave with him, but his safety means the world to me, that I will _not_ do anything that _may_ endanger his life? Or will he just question my sanity again? // _Now, Takamura- kun, you have to prove to me if you are worthy of my trust._ // I knew that it was dangerous to stay here like this whilst precious moments were slipping away, but I _HAD_ to know. 

"Senpai..." His voice was soft, understanding, his expression softening. I felt joy rise up in my chest and my heart pounded painfully. He _believed_ me! He didn't look at me with doubt in his eyes-- but merely accepted that statement as the truth! He trusted me when I told him how much he mattered to me. // _Great, this is the perfect time for you to just stone, isn't it?_ // The caustic voice was back. Even that could not dampen my high spirits. Knowing that someone actually understood meant the world to me, even if I never saw him again. 

Suddenly, I was aware of Casablanca reaching for a button and yelling shrilly. "I don't care who, just come NOW!" she commanded. That private moment that I had shared with my little friend just moments before was now forgotten. We sprang apart, feeling a little awkward. Footsteps sounded in the hallway, and to my immense surprise, he stood a little way in front of me, his eyes narrowing dangerously. For once, I was a bystander to a situation to which I had not long ago been engaged in-- no longer was I the enemy; rather, Takamura- kun evidently trusted me not to hurt him now, for he had his full concentration on the lady in front of him, never even casting a sideway glance at me. And somehow, his trust made me feel as though I had attained something rare and precious. From the looks of it, Takamura- kun was not someone who trusted _anyone_ easily. 

Without me noticing, Takamura- kun managed to pull out his throwing knives. When had he pulled them out anyway? However, the instant I saw those knives, something went 'click' in my mind as I realised what I had not earlier. Takamura... wasn't that... "I didn't get to thank you earlier, Senpai. The popsicle at the park was delicious." he said determination lacing his voice. Evidently, there was no question about it. 

"OH! You're TAKAMURA Suoh!" I yelled, as all the pieces slid neatly into place. That explained everything, the attitude, the knives… No wonder he seemed cross when I doubted his ability. The Takamura Clan is one of the finest martial art clans in Japan, and being Takamura Suoh, the eldest son of the Takamura clan meant... I smiled sincerely, for the first time since I had arrived-- there was hope after all. Who knows, this mayn't be goodbye... 

"What are you saying now?" To say Takamura- kun was confused was to describe the ocean as a puddle. "Uh?" I was a little surprised. Didn't he know what I was thinking? Maybe he does trust me, but that doesn't mean we can read each other's minds. I guess we still need more practise. But there's no time for _that_ now... 

Swiftly, I flash him another smile. // _Trust me_. // I hoped that he understood _that_. To my joy, he did. Maybe we're getting the hang of this after all. Suddenly, it seemed like the answers weren't important to him-- so much seemed to have been exchanged in that mere moment. Is that even possible? The warmth that I felt left no doubt in my heart. Now we were more than friends... we were _allies_, more than what I could have hoped for! Now, my turn to let the cards on the table. 

I pressed my ear close to the ground, listening intently for the whirring sound that I sought-- the sound that would guide me to the secret exit. "Senpai?" He was startled to see me on the ground. Evidently that wasn't the most elegant position to be in, but I couldn't care less. What mattered was getting out of this place _together_. 

"Shh..." I shushed him. "I'll find it quickly." 

"Find?" he echoed. 

"Until then, keep them away. If you do, we can eat those popsicles together again." // _I'm trusting you on this_. // 

"Hai!" He said, turning his attention back to the door, managing to read between the lines and grasp the gist of what I was saying. I was elated, to say the least. Is it because I'm finally able to communicate with Takamura- kun? Finally, I found what I sought. // _This just gets better and better_. // 

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I finally found it." I stated simply to Takamura- kun. He looked up at me somewhat curiously. 

"Your little kouhai is pretty strong... I was taking him lightly, thinking he was a kid. But the next group to come here are all professional fighters, Imonoyama Nokoru- san, give up now." Casablanca interrupted. Evidently she knew that we were now a force to be reckoned with, and had to persuade me to give up as soon as possible. // _After my alliance? Not a chance._ // Evidently, Takamura- kun thought the same; rather than wasting his breath answering, however, he merely gave her a frosty look. 

"It's not like me to give up. I believe this is part of my blood... And besides, I now have a strong ally." I moved closer towards my new found friend, and under the pretext of hugging him close, whispered, "Takamura- kun, you're ok with dark places?" In the least, I hoped the answer would be yes. It would be too bad if he wasn't-- that meant that I had to think up of another plan fast. To my relief, I heard him reply affirmative, even though he seemed somewhat uncertain, and blushed slightly. I was full of admiration for him. Maybe he wasn't really comfortable in the dark, but he was trying his best to make things easier for me. And I appreciated that. 

"Good, let's go." I knew that we didn't really have much time, and I was eager to be on our way before they managed to regroup. 

"Where do you think you're going?" A voice mocked. I was all too aware of what she was trying to do-- make Takamura- kun doubt me-- then without his support, I would likely give in to her demands. After all, there was only so much I can do against all of them. However, her ploy didn't work. Takamura- kun didn't seem too concerned with her words-- it felt good to know that he trusted me so much that he wasn't disturbed by the facts that were being presented to him by our enemy. "The only exit from here is that door. How do you think you're going to get away?" 

// _Finally! Time for curtain_. // Even though I could have left sooner, somehow, it felt more satisfying to make our escape at this point in time after she so kindly made that opening for me. "Like this!" I stamped on the ground sharply, smirking as we descended. That was one lady I sure wouldn't like to meet now. 

Somehow or another, we managed to make it to the exit, though I narrowly made it. Perhaps had Takamura- kun not looked out for me, I would have been recaptured. But we were at the roof top now, and I suppose that was the most important thing. I wasn't very happy about landing up by the roof, and neither was Takamura- kun. "I guess we have to go back." he told me gently, somewhat reluctantly. 

"No, we're fine." I say, as I pull out my penguin. When I saw his expression, I couldn't help but chuckle, though I managed to keep my face relatively neutral. He looked torn between disappointed and hopeful. Smiling a little, I decided to keep him in suspense for a little while longer, if just for the fun of it. I press the button located in the penguins bow tie, and straightened the slightly messed up tie, waiting for _it_ to turn up. No way was I letting him know of it until it arrived. That would spoil the fun now, wouldn't it? 

"You have no way out now. You did come to visit, so I want you to stay a bit longer." Casablanca evidently thought she'd won. I couldn't quite resist teasing her a little more. "About the offer earlier, I have to refuse" "Oh, I thought you said you understood." "Yeah, I did say all right, but I did NOT say yes. Japanese is tricky, isn't it?" Some might have said the comment was plain dumb. I guess I would simply say I had not taken into account the fact that she was probably pretty mad by now, since we made them look like fools. As soon as I made my reply, I saw her face contort with anger, and knew instantaneously that I had said the wrong thing. 

"Then your Kouhai will just have to feel some pain!" she fumed as she pulled the trigger. 

Takamura- kun evidently wasn't expecting that turn of events-- I did the only thing I could-- I knocked him out of the way, the bullet grazing my shoulder as we fell onto the ground in a heap. // _Ouch. Maybe it wasn't such a wise thing to do after all_, // was my first thought. I guess it could have been worse-- I could have been shot _and_ wound up on the hard ground. As it was, I had Suoh to break my fall for me. 

"Senpai!" I heard Takamura- kun yell as he shook me gently. My arm hurt so much that I wasn't sure I wanted to stay conscious-- but Takamura- kun sounded worried; I couldn't just think about what was best for me. Blearily, I opened my eyes to see Casablanca approaching, stopping a little way in front of us. 

"So it's true. You never made friends because you didn't want anyone to get hurt-- you're too kind." She sounded surprised, as though that was unexpected. I could feel Takamura- kun tense under me; swiftly, I remembered what I had to do. 

"No," I disputed, "I'm just thoughtless." She continued to eye me with a glint in her eye, as though aware of my lie. However, she said nothing to let on what she knew. Maybe this had something to do with the sudden appearance of a huge penguin blimp that headed in our direction. I must admit, it was somewhat amusing watching her gape at it-- and Takamura- kun... the shock on his face was simply priceless. 

I'm not very sure what happened after that. The pain from the bullet wound, combined with the shock of Takamura- kun shouldering me as he leapt off the building and caught hold of the rope ladder that hung from the penguin blimp must have had something to do with that. I managed to start to apologise to Takamura- kun, for getting him embroiled in this mess, but he cut in, saying softly, "No, I'll stay by your side." That startled me-- could it be... dare I hope that... "You seem to be that someone that I'll meet someday. So I'll stay by your side and protect you... always." He looked at me, seemingly asking me for my approval. For an instant, I was stumped. How was I supposed to react? One hardly gets into this kind of situations all the time. While it was a very great honour to be selected as a Takamura's charge, I had to take into consideration Takamura- kun's safety-- being around me would undoubtedly cause him to be exposed to more danger. Dare I risk it? Will he be strong enough to protect us both from harm? 

I looked at those golden brown orbs, and saw something that I couldn't quite describe-- it was a mixture of care, concern... and trust-- that I was the right one. I took the plunge. "Ah..." I said, smiling back at my companion. _I'll trust you too. _


End file.
